Organize Me - Chronic Disorganization and Procrastination
I happened upon this site during a Google search for "Baby Book Procrastination" of all things! I have no idea what this website is, but from what I've read so far, it looks like it applies to me.
I'm a 33 y/o mother of two girls - 3 y/o and 14 months. I have been diagnosed over the years with several anxiety disorders such as OCD, Generalized Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Phobias, Depression, etc...and I suffer from Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue.
I used to be so organized that everything inside boxes inside closets (everything!) was perfectly neat and organized. It was way too much. Co-workers would make fun of me with all the papers perfectly aligned, etc...
I liked being organized and imagined that I would always have the ability as I was very detail-oriented. But, after my grandfather passed away almost 10 years ago, I noticed I began to change, letting things go. I began to procrastinate and eventually things started to become too overwhelming that I wouldn't know where to begin to organize them. I kept journals for years and photo albums, but when I began dating my now-husband, I suddenly stopped writing things down and any pictures we have are scattered and I have no idea when they were taken.
When I had my first child, I had big plans of jotting down notes everyday to help with her baby book and putting pictures in scrapbooks. She will soon be 3 1/2 and I have been unable to bring myself to even open her baby book. I've never even written her name in it for fear that I will mess it up somehow!
I had a few First Year Calendars as well that would have made it easy to jot down her firsts and I never did that either. Her notes are scattered and incomplete, but what's worse is that I haven't done hardly any notes at all for her sister who will soon be 14 months!
I am completely overwhelmed and exhausted all of the time. I constantly ruminate about all that I've failed to do and now I can't remember much about either of their baby hoods. I don't have any pictures in photo albums.
I do have a ton more pictures of my 2nd child because the digital camera I had with my first only had 1 media card that would only hold 83 pictures, and by the time she was born they didn't make that card anymore so I'd erase 10 or so pics at a time and go make a pic CD, but I was too afraid to ever completely erase my favorites for fear that something would happen to the CD's and they'd be lost forever. So I have all these CD's with duplicate pictures on them (hardly no actual pictures printed) and I have no CD pics for my 2nd child as I just keep going and buying new SD cards, never erasing them.
Everything is completely disorganized in my life. I can't get a handle on anything, and I constantly feel like I'm failing my girls so I don't enjoy being a mom right now. They are still little, but I feel like I've messed up, and I can't recapture their baby hoods to preserve the memories.
My house is a wreck and I have piles of clutter on every surface. I go from one task to another without being able to complete the first. I am so stressed out and afraid of the future. I can't go on being this way, and I would love to be organized again.
Can you give me any advice on how to get started in pulling myself out of this?
Thank you, Heather